Hint: It’s not what you say.

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Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash

Ever been asked to say a few things about yourself? Perhaps you said you’re a good communicator, attentive to details, or a team player. The point being, we all define ourselves in a certain way.

Here’s the paradox, though; It’s not what you say that is an accurate representation of who you are, but rather what you show yourself to be. That’s how people judge you. They respond to the image you project. As such, it’s critical to focus on what you do rather than what you say.

If you want to sell yourself to the world in an authentic way, focus on these four really small things because they say a lot about you. …


How to build trust and create strong connections.

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

In the movie The Good Liar, Roy Courtnay depicts himself as an aging British man with a sad, lonely, and miserable life. Yet, this couldn’t be further from the truth. He is a lying, conniving murderer with a dark history of rape under his belt.

Although he tries hard to impress his online crush Ms. Betty McLeash, Roy’s tactics and manipulations keep seeping through the mask, making it impossible to build trust with Betty’s grandson, Steven. Let’s be honest; there’s a tinny weeny bit of Roy in every one of us.

We’ve all got little habits that get in the way of our relationships with others. Fortunately, if you learn the delicate skill of creating trust, you’ll forge meaningful relationships, and your life will change dramatically. The following ways will help you do just that. …


Life truths worth hearing over and over again.

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Photo by Artem Beliaikin from Pexels

Admit it. Life can be a bit overwhelming at times. Trying to strike a balance between family, work and friends can feel like a bad game of chess. As you devote yourself to a certain aspect of your life, another one suffers. Sounds familiar? It’s hard to keep up. When you’re bound to the grind of mere survival, it can leave you emotionally depleted.

Honestly, I’ve felt a mix of these emotions more often than I’d like. But in the weirdest of ways, during the COVID lock down, a stream of clarity has penetrated my mind and life isn’t as draining as it once was. And no, I didn’t change my life in any way. …


How you’ll know that you’ve fallen out of love.

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Photo by Nate Neelson on Unsplash

It was a match made in heaven. You felt it in your bones. It wasn’t long before the spark of attraction turned into a blazing heat of sizzling romance. And just like that, your lover swept you off your feet and you entered the bond of marriage. It was a done deal. You would bask in the warmth of your love and create a wonderful life together. But now, many years later, the warmth has dissipated. The sizzling romance has been replaced by anger, resentment and contempt. What’s changed, you wonder.

First things first. Every relationship requires work. But if yours is more work than fun, trouble is slowly brewing in the background. And although no one enters a relationship hoping it dies, it’s crucial to know if your relationship is dying. This way, you’re not caught flat-footed, are mentally prepared, and can forestall its death. If you notice one of these signs, your relationship is on the verge of death. …


Your self-image dictates how others treat you.

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https://images.app.goo.gl/SD7cQsXUuhSccYgw7

This powerful picture of an adorable kitten who sees himself as a lion has dominated the web space for a long time. As little and harmless as he is, his self-image is that of power, bravery, and dominion. The popularity behind the image lies in its underlying message: How you see yourself matters most. And, I’ll add, determines how others see you.

Surely the kitten must be way smarter than us because we struggle to see the greatness within us, as brilliant, talented, and unique as we are. You shrink and sell yourself short. You allow your capabilities, talents, and accomplishments to desiccate. What you don’t realize is that the world is always watching. …


The secrets of blissful relationships.

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Photo by Tai’s Captures on Unsplash

The joy was palpable. Dimly lit candles stood at every corner of the room as soft music hummed in the background — the perfect ambiance for a bridal shower. Vicky’s girlfriends, adorned with flowing dresses and new hair-dos, were dying to sprinkle little nuggets of wisdom to equip her for the big M word.

But being highly intelligent, Vicky knew better; she’d be overwhelmed by their advice. So instead, she sought to know the secrets behind their blissful marriages. She asked them to describe the actions, behaviors, and attitudes they treasure most about their partners.

Why? Because Vicky knew what makes a woman appreciate her man is often a reflection of his feelings. The seven women revealed the secrets behind their blissful marriages. You can use them to create a sizzling connection with your woman. …


What’s it’s like to be Black in the land down under.

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Photo by author.

When I arrived at Melbourne airport two years ago to start a new chapter of my life with my White husband, I didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t my first time setting foot in the land down under; I’d been here on work trips. But those had been 24-hour layovers.

This was different. I’d have to build a new life from scratch. I’d need to fit into or create a social tribe. I’d have to assimilate into a culture completely different from mine and that of U.A.E, where I’d lived for so long.

A Poppy Seed in a Bowl of Rice.

Before moving here, I’d heard of Aboriginal history, so I was a bit uncertain how people would accept me as a Black person. And as fate would have it, I ended up in a predominantly White neighborhood. Other than me, there’s only one other Black man whom I spot occasionally. …


What I learned talking to a creative woman over green tea.

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

“Those were fun times! My toy business was thriving beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined. It was a practically household name! Every kid in town owned at least one of my toys. Oh.. do you remember how crazy weekends at the store were? A beehive of activities, an absolute mess… the good kind.” Betty said.

“I can still hear the giggles and scampering feet of little kids, milling around the playground like a swarm of bees. Their exasperated parents struggling to keep up. Oh, the magical years! Those memories are still braided into my imagination. …


What to do and avoid, to be happier.

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GettyImages

Ever heard of the “laughing philosopher”? Democritus was born in an ancient Greek town called Abdera and nicknamed “the laughing philosopher” due to his cheerful personality. A curious man, he sought to understand people and the world.

His curiosity led him to invent numerous theories, the biggest one being the theory of happiness. Here, he sought to understand what makes one happy, leading him to declare that happiness should be the highest, noblest goal of every man’s life. Democritus never married, but he enjoyed being alone with his thoughts. He hated overeating, alcoholism, and promiscuity. …


It comes down to the things you do and don't do.

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Photo by Godisable Jacob from Pexels

I’m not exactly sure what point I was driving across. I vividly recall that I never even got to. He cut me off right in the middle of my sentence — not once but severally. I wasn’t even familiar with the guy. I’d just met him that very day through my other friends. As to what his problem was? Your guess is as good as mine.

All I know is that it stung a little bit. But it wasn’t all bad. That unpleasant experience taught one of the most crucial truths about respect. In life, you don’t have to sit back and wait for others to show you respect. …

About

Leah Njoki

Here to help you create the best relationship with yourself & others. 👑 Let's chat: leah.njoki.medium@gmail.com. Blog:ownyourspark.com

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