Trying To Become A Great Husband Is How You’re Killing Love
Misdirected efforts will ruin your marriage.
It had been seven years since we last saw each other and we were beaming with excitement to bring each other up to speed with the unfoldings of our lives.
A lot had happened in Alex’s life in those seven years; She had birthed two amazing kids — a boy and a girl — had risen to an enviable position in the company she’d first joined as a mere intern. Unfortunately, she’d also experienced the harrowing demise of her father.
I saw her park her car and walk towards the cafe, in short, confident steps from the window where I was seated. She was a bit rounder now, a sign that she’d been in a good paddock. We exchanged bear hugs and ordered drinks, an espresso for her, and a chai latte for me.
Time fell off as we took each other through the journey of our lives, leaning against the soft red couch where a prickly breeze lashed at us. Three hours later, we both realized we had to go back to our lives, so we said our goodbyes.
All had gone well in our meeting, but as I drove home in the silence of my thoughts, I couldn’t help but feel a degree of uneasiness gnawing at me, like an itch I couldn’t scratch. Halfway through my three-hour conversation with Alex, I’d caught a glimpse of a dullness, tucked away somewhere deep in her demeanor.
It bothered me because I hadn’t expected her to be anything but jovial and bubbly. After all, she always had a certain degree of aliveness to her that was infectious. Like a twinkling flashing light, Alex illuminated anyone around her.
I attempted to beam the light on why my friend now seemed unhappy even though everything in her life suggested she should have been radiating happiness and fulfillment. As I began to unthread our three-hour conversation with the hope that I could unearth the missing piece, I caught a whiff of something.
It stuck out to me that although Alex had spoken about her husband in the right way, she wasn’t particularly beaming with excitement at the mention of his name. Despite being married for five years, she didn’t talk about what an excellent lover he was choosing to only speak about the good husband and father that he was.
